A lot of times I wish I could hide myself.
I can just feel the judgement. Every word ppl wish to say but will save it for the comment section in some random chat. Every snark and eye roll. “Who does he think he is”… “That MAN!” Being a boy learning how to be a man… on my own.. my own way... Do they know that? When they stare at me? And judge me? Do they know what I’ve sacrificed?
Sometimes I wish I could hide how I feel inside so not to make others feel ashamed. Ashamed at the way we live pathetic almost , once a confident adolescent to now an overthinking adult. Because I am embarrassed.
I let my guard down.
Became this Man.
So he could climb up walls.
And then she let him in and I let it touch me.
And he touched back and I didn’t love her again. Not like I was supposed to but all that I knew …. all that Hassan grew from.
Embracing it still. And I’m embarrassed. Most times I wish I could hide. In the dirt. Inside her earth. Reborn to do what I should have done first.